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90 miles of teak 

Ralph Lauren has 30 miles of three-rail fencing on his Colorado ranch getaway. The fences are made entirely of teak. An absurd thought, really, to import 90 miles (three rails @ 30 miles each) of teak, not counting the fenceposts, from Honduras or Indonesia, or wherever, to high Colorado. I can understand the impulse: the teak will last forever; it will require minimal upkeep, and it looks fantastic. Plus, Ralph gets to say, "Thirty miles of teak split rail fencing," whenever he feels like it.

Oprah likes the fences very much. I also think they are pretty. But I'm sure that, no matter how well sourced the stuff was, there are a lot of fence rails from endangered tropical forests on Ralph's ranchy getaway. Of course, I can't prove this. And I'd love him to sue me for saying it, because that would boost the traffic to my blog. But I'm pretty sure that I'm right.It could be that I'm a bit jealous, since I was born in Colorado and love Ralph's land. But I'm not sure about that. His tipis are filled with Western tchotchkes, such as rail beds, antique Navajo blankets, pioneer dolls and hand-painted American Indian symbology. They are like props in The American Girl Doll collection.

Beautiful, yet symptomatic of a problem, I think. That problem, of course, is need. Unfulfillable desire. I think Ralph Lauren is a really talented designer and businessperson. He has exquisite tastes in cars. Some of his men's clothing is perfect. His stores are so well done, even if not really to my taste. My favorite pair of cord pants, years ago, came from his store. His recently aquired daughter in law has the coolest name imaginable:  Lauren Bush Lauren. I mean, the guy is golden.

I just wish he wouldn't have imported all that teak from tropical forests to make his ranch "perfect." And I wish he'd invite me to stay in one of his tipis, but take out 3/4 of the stuff. Imagine what the inside of an actual Indian tipi looked like. Well, don't imagine, look at the inside of this Plains Indian tipi: 

They might not have the finesse of Ralph, but they've sure got the authenticity

thing down pat. Anyway, love to you, Ralph. But enough is enough!

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Reader Comments (1)

I think Oprah is his neighbor, or was some years ago. The whole Telluride area is threatened by what-money-can-buy. Nice rant, Stephen.

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